....

sometimes thinks just dont seem to work the way in which you think they should. if only we could see what is coming, so it doesnt effect you so much. i no thinks happen for a reason, but why cant we understand why. why cant something just work out the way we want it for once?

we always have mates to fail back on, but they are the same, there is always that hole inside you once you have felt true love, you cant move on, no matter how hard you try. nothing can take your mind off it, i just wish things would one day work out

happy birthday stef!

happy birthday mate! hope you are enjoying yourself up there, bet your up there having a big party like you use to on a good friday or saturday night out.

thinking of you always mate xx

you

cant believe just how long ive spent in the bath this evening just thinking things other, there is so much going on in my head i just dont know what to do. even a carlsburg didnt help. all i can do is think about you, you wont believe just how much you mean to me. yer i know you are confused about what to do, and where you stand, but its right here with me.ive never been able to open up to anyone like i can with you. and you can tell me anything. i hate the feeling when i send a text, and hear no reply, even if its just asking if you have had a good weekend. i hope now after what ive done you will understand what you mean, and how now all i can do is just wait for your reply, the knowledge that the ball is now in your court. hopefully i will see you tomorrow, but we never know what the next day will bring, all i can do is wait and hope! x

mayday

what an amazing time! think this year has got to be one of the best. headed into padstow at 8 on saturday, to go up and see stefan before i went into town and already there had been loads of flowers left there for him, it was nice to see that no one had forgotten about him. once i got into town, i went and joined the child's oss for an hour, until it went in. after that i bumped into some mates, and we went and got a pasty then headed to the pub to start the day off lol. as soon as our oss was out we set off dancing around town, drinks in hands, celebrating our tradition about why we do this every year. not long after this i saw mum, and my aunts, one of them hasn't been able to come to mayday in 9 years, because she has been living up county. we made this year a special one, even tho it wasn't the same, we still we all out! i followed the oss all the way up glyn road, round towards the old peoples homes, where we popped in to see all them, and show that there is still a massive community where we all look after each other. we were so lucky that it didnt rain, for nearly the whole afternoon which was good, but what was better was that when it did rain, it cleared out nearly all the emits so we could actually follow the oss without having to try and push our way through wave after wave of them. by this time, we all had a lot to drink, but was still going strong. the evening was very good, met some mates i hadnt seen in a very long time, so went round the fair with them for a bit, and went on the river dancer, which was very funny considering that some of them were drunk lol and that it seemed to just keep speeding up. the farewell was moving, just couldn't help but think about stefan, but we all knew he was there with us. after the oss had gone in, we went pub, and had like a Lindsey family meet up in the pub, we basically took over the whole pub with the amount of us that was there, some of them i didn't even know, yet they are family lol. was just a shame that the day had to end. but it was still nevertheless an amazing day! OSS OSS, WEE OSS!

Engine

had an amazing day today, just managed to buy myself a 1.8i Dohc 16V engine, gearbox, ecu for £50, so happy about that, cant wait to get her fitted into the proton, will be brill, the engine produces about 140BHP and with a re-map it will be up to about 200BHP with 300lbs/ft.
basically loving life now lol

RIP Jordan

RIP mate, it should not of happened to you, only saw you earlier that night. hope your being looked after up there.

sleep tight mate x

weekend

just finished parents evening, which turned out to be quite good, some of the things that were said was very nice which i was happy with. afterwards we got in the car and left Cornwall, and headed up the motorway, and have stopped in Bristol just next to the airport, because my brother arrives back from New York at 7.40 in the morning, which afterwards we are having some breakfast, then headed even further up county to Birmingham to visit the uni and have a tour around. after we have finished looking at Birmingham depending on the time i want to pop across to north London to have a look at another car, an Audi A4 1.9 TDi which is extremely nice, but it all depends on time if we can get over there in time. on Saturday we are going to UWE open day and having a good look around because this is the place where most of my friends are going, and where i would like to go, but it is the one that needs the best grades. during the evening when we get back to sunny Cornwall i have a big party to go to, its a foam party at St Columb, where nearly 500 people have been invited which should be good fun, i just dont know what to wear lol, but im sure ill find something. once the party is over, a few of us are going to camp it out in the car which should be a good laugh so im quite excited about it! hopefully i wont be too drunk tho, because i have to hand in my computing coursework on monday and still have a fair bit to do, so it might be a little bit of a rush, but fingers cross lol.

anyway ive just looked at the time, and if ive got to be up at 7 i best get some sleep, so ill love you all and leave you, night x

Studio

i went in the studio on friday, and took a load of pictures, using the large format camera (5*4) spent about 2 hours doing it, having a good laugh at the same time, but when i went to process them on monday they didnt work, they just came out clear, which didnt help to the day i was having, but anyway, i re-booked the studio out for today, went in there set up, and started shooting, when i found out i had booked the studio for the wrong week, but i could get in there after an hour, so we went back in there afterwards, and spent the remaining two hours taking photos, and think i got some good ones, will just have to hope that they all come out and work :) but it was really good fun :) so would just like to thank everyone who modeled for me :D thanks x

What an evening!

finished work today and got into wadebridge for about 3 to see some mates in the pub to watch the football. i am not much of a football person, but a lot of my friends are, so i stayed and watched it, until Ali said that he music in his car wasn't working, so i jumped at the chance of getting out, so i went to go see what was wrong with it,. he told me that Ross had been working on it, to connect up his amp and sub, but ever since the head unit hadn't worked. after taking the head unit out and looking at the cables behind, i couldn't believe what Ross had done, most of the cables he had ripped and then put duck tape on them to put them back together. i went through and tested all of the cables to make sure that they were still connected, and wired in correctly, but it still didn't work. the only thing i could think of was if he had unearthed the head unit, and started playing with the power and maybe put to much current through to the until, and blew it. after spending between half hour to an hour working on it, Ali told me to not worry about it, because he would just have to go and get another unit. i stayed at Joe's for a bit longer to have tea, because i was going to go out that evening, but he saw a car he wanted to go and look at, which was up at Saltash, and he pleaded with me to go and see it, so i gave in, and we drove up and had a look at the punto, which turned out to be quite nice, had a bit of mileage on it, but other than that was in quite good condition. so they shook hands on it, and it was joe's for £410, which we have to go up on saturday to pick it up. unfortunally i wasn't able to get back in time for church that evening, infact we didnt leave Saltash until 8. but we had a fun evening out, which we don't often go out for little drives like we all use to, because i can't afford the petrol, but when we do go out, it is always a good trip out.

mini

went out this evening over to st austell to have a look at a rover mini city 1000, it looked really good in the pictures and from what i heard of it, and he only wanted £850 for it, but when i got over there it was covered in rust, had holes in the side of it, big enough to put your fingers through, had a flat rear tyre, and he still wanted all the money for it :( ahwell will just have to keep looking lol

Car

Ive been doing alot of thinking about this, and i think i am going to put it all back to standard and sell it, it costs too much to look after and run. people have been suggesting other cars which i could look at, like a ford capri, or an astra, but today my mate suggested a mini, even tho he knows how i feel about them, and that i haven't sat in one since last june, when Stefan had his. but the more ive been thinking about it, the more i think it might be a good idea, i did love the way they drive, the way they look, i am going to go and possibly have a drive in one tomorrow, and see if i can get back into them, because i know Stefan would love it if i were to have one, because they were his baby!

if i were to get one, either an austin mini, or a rover mini, with the 1300cc turbo engine, in either black or dark blue. the more and more i am thinking about it, the more and more i think its meant to be, i just don't think my parents would let me, but we will see, after all it is my money, and i think i would love one, so will just wait and see....

Half Term

i have had a very enjoyable half term, even tho i spent most of it working, it was great fun! i spent the whole of monday working on my car, fitting my new bumper and grill, and painting other parts which i have got. tuesday i spent the morning in truro, trying to complete the outfit i was planning on wearing to a close friends 18th party. i spent hours in there looking in every shop, but couldnt find a jacket or top which i was after, i left truro and went to padstow and still was unsuccessful :( but had to give up, because i was in work that evening. lucky i had wednesday off, and went out all around cornwall trying to find something that i could use, but again was unsuccessful, so came home and looked online for fancy dress shops in cornwall but there was still nothing which i could use. thursday and friday i spent working so i couldnt go out to try and find anything, but in the evening i went into wadebridge to see my best mate, because it was his 18th birthday, and we went on down to the pub so i could buy him his first legal drink! he spent alot of the evening trying to convince me to come to his massive party on saturday night, where everyone would be there, and he was upset that i couldnt be there, but he understood why i had to do what i did, even tho he said bros before hos, but he knows how i feel, and it was because of that, he could forgive me for missing it, and thankfully he was happy for me. after i got home, i spoke to mum about what i want to wear to the party, and she knew of someone over st austell area who has a private fancy dress, so we phoned her up and she surprisingly had just what i was after, even tho it didnt have sleeves, but i could use it so i was :D afterwards me n mum went to asda, and just had a few hours out, having a catch up about everything. when we got home, i was running around making sure i was ready for the party that evening, i went and got my hair cut, got all the outfit together, found my mounting boots, gave them a quick clean, then headed over. even with the satnav it was hard to find, it took me to the right place, but i could not find her house lol had to stop and ask someone where it was, but they didnt know. eventually i found it, and spent about half an hour to an hour there, until we went on down to the party, which i was slightly worried because i didnt know many people that would be there, and i didnt want to get drunk incase i made a fool of myself. the party was great tho! i really enjoyed it, spent alot of time on the dance floor lol which i can imagine was quite funny for everyone else to watch! i was offered to do some shots, but i didnt want to get drunk and embarrass myself, so i passed on them. the cake which her nan made was amazing, i have never seen a more amazing cake! there was a few of us who went back to her house, which was great fun, we spent over an hour in the kitchen, all sat around the table just chatting. afterwards we went into the lounge and sat and watched mock the week, which was really funny! lol spent all of sunday at hers, which was funny, we sat and watched more mock the week, but over time people started to leave, in the end it was just her family and me. that evening we went to church, which was good, it was mostly about songs, and there was a pray tunnel, which i have never take part in before, but it was more straight forward then i thought. afterwards the person who was running it, asked if anyone else wanted private pray, i saw him look at me when he said it, and i did want to go over then and talk to him, but there are alot of things i carry on my shoulders which no one knows about, stuff i am, and have been afraid of talking to anyone about it, in case i scare them, or they dont understand, but he came over and said that he thought i wanted to go over there, but i didnt know how to say what i have to say. i told him parts of what is happening in my life, but i just scraped the surface, which i think he knew that i didnt tell him everything, but there has been things that have happened in my life that i dont think i can talk to anyone about, not my parents, not my best mates, but i mentioned Stefan, and how i still feel upset about it, and i do feel guilty that i am alive yet he isnt, it doesnt seem fair, if i could i would swap just to bring him back, just to see him again! i had to take a break, and stop talking, because i couldnt cope with it, which he seemed to understand, and didnt push me to say anything that i didnt want to talk about. his pray was helpful, it did help to be able to talk to someone about it, but i still carry loads on my shoulders. later on that evening, me and another girl was asked to sort out these books, because the rest of the group was talking about spring harvest, but whilst sorting out the books, i found one, and when i started reading it, it started to help, it started to make some sense. ive been allowed to borrow the book, which i am in the process of reading.

so all in all i have had a very eventful half term, but it was all good fun, and i really did enjoy it! :D

The Weekend

well in the end, it wasn't me and mates, they all decided that they were busy, or there parents wouldn't let them come or something like that, so i went up with dad. it took us just short of 4 hours each way which was very good, but we had to wait around in the service station for almost 2 hours for the guy to turn up to give me my harness which we weren't happy about! but it was an excuse to hang around and get some food, and put are feet up lol but after that we popped over into the center of Guilford, to find this other guys house, we had his address, but are satnav died, so was a lot harder, but we got there, and put the spoiler on the back seat and started the journey home. didnt help that i wasnt too sure on were i was going, n yet dad fell asleep for almost an hour, so i had to find my way out of Guilford to the M3, then try and find the A303, and he woke up just as we were going past Stonehenge. whilst we were on the way down, there was this golf R32 and an Audi A3 flying down past us, but dad was just like thats just silly, they were even overtaking when there was oncoming traffic! but it was good fun going up with dad, we had like a father and son sorta day, where we talking about nearly everything, college, friends, car, Stefan and other important things, which was nice, because normally we are too busy to just sit there and talk about stuff. we arrived home for about 7pm, and got a chinese in, which was nice. had a very busy valentines day, but no busy like it should, i had to work a split which was very busy and not very fun :( but im just glad i had my phone on me.

Road Trip!

Cant wait for saturday, we and a few mates are going up on a road trip to Guildford to pick up a spoiler, and popping over to Hoddesdon to pick up my sparco harness. it is going to be great, we will have such a laugh, even tho we are only going up and coming back in a day, and it will cost the world in petrol, you cannot beat a good old road trip with some great mates. we are planning on leaving cornwall for about 7-8 ish, and hopping on getting up there for about midday and get back home for 7-8 ish so all in all it should be one good day!

Uclan

had a really good weekend, popped up country to visit the University of Central Lancashire. i am planning on studying Motor Sports Engineering. we went up friday night, and stayed at a B&B. we had a tour around the university, looking at everything around. the presentation that was given was amazing, they informed us all about formula student which is were we would design, build and race the cars against other university. they also showed us about the engine testing room, the workshops where we would be able to work on the cars and learn about how they are all set up.

the trip home was worse tho, took forever to get home, most of the motorway was closed, or some lanes weren't open or the speed limit was dropped down to a max of 50mph, but still managed to get through it all, even tho we didnt get home until gone 2 in the morning, all ready for a split on sunday lol, but it was all still good fun

Snow!

tried driving to truro today, got all the way down there (was good fun lol) n had to turn around n come all the way back, tried going through the lanes, but had to turn round. we must of had at least a few inches of the white stuff, had mum in the car, n it scared the hell out of her lol all good fun :P nearly took it sideways for some of it lol but got home n just went for a walk, n took some pics just to remember whats kept me out of college for the past 3 days lol

what a great start to a great new year!

the new year has basically just started, and it couldn't of got off to a better start, with the most amazing girl ever, she blogs aswell. ive joined the church choir with her, to do a musical in easter, in memory of jesus and what he did for us. i cant believe just how lucky my year has started, even tho i have my exams in the next few weeks, i am just over the moon with everything. well this is my first proper blog, apart from my introduction.